Hey, hermit!
wyd?
Note: The song is very necessary for the read.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of hurting.
I think to myself, as I lie on my bed for the third day in a row.
'God, what the hell is this feeling? Take my heart from my chest; it's suffocating me.'
I loved this fool. From one fool to another. I gave him everything I had. How could I be foolish? Tell me I was wrong for believing the signs.
Jesse promised to never let me go. He promised to be there always, no matter what. Well, here's a matter, and he's not here. I thought we were building something good. Something transcendent.
At least I wasn't delusional. We were no longer just best friends. He actually loved me more than his friend, or did he? He made me love him. He gave me his time, his attention, and his commitment: the long calls, the constant texts, and constantly seeking me out. I mean, what did he mean when he said when we were more than best friends? He lit me like a bush with his stupid smile when I asked what that meant, like an open secret he only knew.
I knew something was going to change the day he saw her. His eyes looked so different... so alive. I couldn't even protest when I saw them laughing together, because we're just 'best friends'. How could I stop him from meeting new people? How could I say seeing them both together made me uneasy without being weird?
Tell me I was wrong for believing his lies. He lied. He said he'd always have time. He said I wouldn't face the world alone, but here I am, viewing the screenshots of his posts about her.
I worked so hard to preserve what we had, hoping he'd see me right in front of him. I learnt about him, his likes, his dislikes, and the things he never said. The way he likes to use only BIC pens, his hidden love for eba, his sensitivity to vanilla scents, and the type of fragrances he wears.
I feel mad. I feel nauseous. I feel the need to scream and pull my hair. I replay every moment we've spent together. They were special.
He stayed with me when I was ill. He traveled all the way to bring me snacks when I was down. He always had lotion on him, because I always complained about my dry skin. He let-
Ping!
"Hey hermit, I haven't heard from you! Come out of hiding, I need to introduce you to someone. R8 you!😍"
Rain wipes her eyes, a sad, small smile creeping onto her face.
Oh well.
Another day to be the best friend.
She'd lick her wounds later.